On walking away

Dear friend,

I think it is time to accept reality. We are not what we used to be or who for that matter. Time and life has changed us, and I think that in a quiet way, I’m going to have to break up with you. I think that this friendship is no longer something mutually beneficial, and it hasn’t been for some time. I have established a status for our relationship: unrealistic.

Coming from a place where I learned to value relationships based on mutual respect and support, I have realized that this is not something you understand nor something you have the capacity to participate in. Somehow, I am surprised. But perhaps I shouldn’t be. My friends that do support me in this way are reminders of what I deserve, and although it breaks my heart, I deserve more than you.

Let me explain how I have come to this conclusion through a series of comparisons. When we have had our conflicts (I am not innocent here just to be clear), I have attempted to be honest about my feelings with you because you have always said you value my honesty. However, when I share these feelings and you find them somehow critical or hurtful towards you, you reject them. So you lied, didn’t you? When you said you wanted to know how I feel? I accept that you don’t like what I have to say, but you shouldn’t be telling me I wasn’t supposed to bring it up in the first place. That isn’t fair. That isn’t friendship.

And then there’s the support I have willingly given without any expectation of anything in return (for I have learned not to expect it from you). I have spent time and emotional energy on things that you needed. Sure, I haven’t been around in person as much, but neither have you. So when you conveniently forget that I have done something for you and give all the credit to someone else, that makes me sad. That makes me mad. For I didn’t expect anything in return, but I did expect you to simply remember.

So this is it. This is my goodbye (maybe for now, maybe forever). I have not the energy it would take to hold this up all on my own anymore. And I would rather give it to someone who values me more anyway. I see this as a reminder of the fundamentally spectacular friendships I am blessed with and the fact that not all things are meant to last. You were my first friend here, but I cannot play this game anymore.

Take care dear friend. I’ll miss you.

Me