Your cool

Dear lover,

I just wanted to take this opportunity to acknowledge your astounding patience. Perhaps I find this awe inspiring because I wasn't born with any, but I think that my experience with your capacity to stay cool in the face of all sorts of adversity would indicate it's also something quite special. You use this cool to make me calm and shed my many anxieties. You use this cool to be an incredible friend, supporting others, even when you yourself do not receive a whole lot in return. You use your cool to stay positive in while constantly dealing with struggle you did nothing to deserve.

I find this an inspiring attribute, and something I would like to emulate in many windows of my own life.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

See you tonight.

Me

To unknown futures

Dear lover,

I suppose this is a love letter of sorts... And it probably emphasizes a flare for the dramatic, that I think this way. Forgive me.

This is on my mind all the time it seems. I want you to be happy, but I don’t know if you want me to fight for us. Do you? Your friendship has become something very special to me – I see how I can be a better person because of you. And I like to think I have the same effect on you. I believe in you, even when you might not believe in yourself. I watch you struggle. I hate it. It breaks my heart in a million shards of hope. You are so wonderful, smart, kind, and passionate – why does no one see how much you have to give? I fail to understand this. And what’s more, I think this failure of others to understand your potential is what will end us. I fear losing your calm, enveloping presence in my life. It makes sense to me. Your partnership is something I never expected to have in my life, and the joy of that, it is something I don’t want to give up.

But you are unsure. Your affection for me is clear, but it is hesitant. Are you afraid of what it will mean to love me? I feel as though I have been mourning our relationship for some time now – as wrong as that is. Is it doomed from the start? Or are we at a crossroads that will divide our paths only to bring us together again?

I wish there were easier answers to my questions. I wish you could be happy here and could love me without hesitation. I want to give you everything but I cannot. Maybe someday you will let me. Maybe somehow the Universe will finally deliver to you what you deserve. It makes me sad to think that it may come only by you leaving. You will not be leaving me, I don’t think. This I understand. But I do wonder, if you could be happy here, what our life together might be like.

I have to give you permission to go if you have to. I would hate myself if I didn't. But I still have questions - like do you want me to fight for us? Would you even think of asking me to come with you? What if. I suppose this exposes me as a hopeless romantic. Something I have resisted becoming for a very long time. But you were different. You are special. And I am glad I let you in.

I love you.

Me