Dear lover,
I suppose this is a love letter of sorts... And it probably
emphasizes a flare for the dramatic, that I think this way. Forgive me.
This is on my mind all the time it seems. I want you to be
happy, but I don’t know if you want me to fight for us. Do you? Your friendship
has become something very special to me – I see how I can be a better person
because of you. And I like to think I have the same effect on you. I believe in
you, even when you might not believe in yourself. I watch you struggle. I hate
it. It breaks my heart in a million shards of hope. You are so wonderful,
smart, kind, and passionate – why does no one see how much you have to give? I
fail to understand this. And what’s more, I think this failure of others to
understand your potential is what will end us. I fear losing your calm,
enveloping presence in my life. It makes sense to me. Your partnership is
something I never expected to have in my life, and the joy of that, it is
something I don’t want to give up.
But you are unsure. Your affection for me is clear, but it
is hesitant. Are you afraid of what it will mean to love me? I feel as though I
have been mourning our relationship for some time now – as wrong as that is. Is
it doomed from the start? Or are we at a crossroads that will divide our paths
only to bring us together again?
I wish there were easier answers to my questions. I wish you
could be happy here and could love me without hesitation. I want to give you
everything but I cannot. Maybe someday you will let me. Maybe somehow the
Universe will finally deliver to you what you deserve. It makes me sad to think
that it may come only by you leaving. You will not be leaving me, I don’t think.
This I understand. But I do wonder, if you could be happy here, what our life
together might be like.
I have to give you permission to go if you have to. I would
hate myself if I didn't. But I still have questions - like do you want me to
fight for us? Would you even think of asking me to come with you? What if. I
suppose this exposes me as a hopeless romantic. Something I have resisted
becoming for a very long time. But you were different. You are special. And I
am glad I let you in.
I love you.
Me
